Dear President Obama:This is doubly delicious, because it includes some tasty satire, too.
I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements. We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. From Mexico. I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
- Free medical care for my entire family.
- English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
- Please print all Mexican government forms in English.
- I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.
- Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.
- I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.
- Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
- I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
- I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
- In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
- I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put U.S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
- I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
- Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.
- I want to receive free food stamps.
- Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.
- I'll need income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican taxes, I'll receive money from the government.
- Please arrange it so that the Mexican government pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car.
- Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.
Thank you so much for your kind help. You're the man!!!
Now I realize that this role reversal might be extended to the squalid conditions that Mexico offers its citizens, compared to the relatively fabulous conditions in the U.S. However, the prosperity we enjoy was the result of hard work and the unique liberty that was once guaranteed by the original intent of our U.S. Constitution.
So much prosperity in fact, that we have been able to drift away from the founding principles for nearly 100 years, and completely abandon the American work ethic for nearly 50 years, and still have enough fat to let nearly half the population coast on entitlements and to permit a non-military invasion to go unchecked for nearly that long. But it isn't sustainable, as we shall soon see. I hope we have some courageous leaders waiting in the wings, because we're going to need them to repair the disaster spawned by our current kakistocracy.
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