To Prevent Their Kids From Being Socially Awkward And Weird, More Parents Opting To Homeschool

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To Prevent Their Kids From Being Socially Awkward And Weird, More Parents Opting To Homeschool

If Authoritarians Taught Self Help!

 This is hilarious. J.P. Sears is a most unlikely Classical Liberal. 

It's My Body, And I'll Cry If I Want To

[Warning: This article contains adult content. If you have not fully matured, then you really need to read this.]

Victims of the so-called "war on women" whine, "It's my body!" That may be true, but they never finish the sentence: "It's my body, and it's my responsibility to care properly for it."

If you're going to treat your body like an amusement park, then it's up to you to perform the necessary care and maintenance. It's up to you (or the riders) to provide the resources and upkeep. Not me; not anyone else. It isn't my job to take care of the unintended consequences, or put innocent victims out of your misery after one of your cock-ups (pun partially intended).

Actually, if you are going to demand that someone else contribute to the care and feeding of your body, then it really isn't your body anymore! It belongs to all of us who subsidize it, and all your bases are belong to us! There are strings attached, and we (the people) can tell you what you can and cannot do with it. We could even justifiably demand the use of it.*

If it annoys you to receive this message from a man, then here's a video by Chicks on the Right to spell it out for you.



But here's the bottom line: My money and my property represents the time from my life that it took to earn it -- including the time and resources it took to acquire the skills to earn it. Time out of my life that I'll never get back. I made the effort. Taking that wealth from me without my express consent is akin to taking part of my life: partial murder. It's why theft is considered immoral and illegal. It's also why redistribution of wealth should also be considered nothing less. It's your body and your life. Your responsibility. Accept it!

---

*Rush Limbaugh called these people "sluts", but that is evidently not politically correct anymore, and he had to apologize. Actually, if you're demanding money, it's really worse than "slut", but I won't say that either. I'll just say "slave" instead. Congratulations, slave! Here's your contraceptives! Call the plantation office if you need a free abortion!

How Many Statists Does It Take To Change a Light Bulb?

Stolen from facebook:



I don't like CFLs. I do like LEDs, but I think the free market is quite adequate for moving people to more efficient, environmentally friendly lighting. Government mandates are completely illiberal and unnecessary.

You Have Two Cows

I haven't posted in a while, but I found this on Facebook, and I thought, "Hey there's a lotta truth in that thar satire!"

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Charity

• You have two cows.
• You share some milk with your neighbor, 'cause one of their cows just died, and you want to help them until they can get back on their feet.

Socialism

• You have two cows.
• The state takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

Communism

• You have two cows.
• The State takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism

• You have two cows.
• The State takes both and sells you some milk.

Nazism

• You have two cows.
• The State takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucrat-ism

• You have two cows.
• The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

Traditional Capitalism

• You have two cows.
• You sell one and buy a bull.
• Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
• You sell them and retire on the income.

Royal Bank of Scotland (Venture) Capitalism

• You have two cows.
• You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
• The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
• The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. 
• You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. 
• No balance sheet provided with the release. 
• The public then buys your bull.

Surrealism

• You have two giraffes.
• The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

An American Corporation

• You have two cows.
• You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
• Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A Greek Corporation

• You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
• You still only have two cows.

A French Corporation

• You have two cows.
• You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A Japanese Corporation

• You have two cows.
• You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
• You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

An Italian Corporation

• You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
• You decide to have lunch.

A Swiss Corporation

• You have 5000 cows. 
• None of them belong to you.
• You charge the owners for storing them.

A Chinese Corporation

• You have two cows.
• You have 300 people milking them.
• You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
• You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

An Indian Corporation

• You have two cows.
• You worship them.

A British Corporation

• You have two cows.
• Both are mad.

An Iraqi Corporation

• Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
• You tell them that you have none.
• No-one believes you, so they bomb the squat out of you and invade your country.
• You still have no cows, but at least you are now a democracy.

An Australian Corporation

• You have two cows.
• Business seems pretty good.
• You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A New Zealand Corporation

• You have two cows.
• The one on the left looks very attractive...

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Thanks to Mary Beth for posting this on Facebook. 

Letterman's Top Ten Reasons He Votes Democrat

I got this via email from one of my racist tea party terrorist friends. It has been making the rounds on the interweb for a while, but I modified it slightly to suit my own personal convictions, because dag nabbit, it's my blog:

#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.*

#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn’t.

#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody I agree with is offended by it.

#6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. Because when seconds count, the police can be here in minutes.

#5. I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

…And the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay $billions for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish here in America. We don't care about the beetles, gophers or fish in those other countries. 

I know, it's a cheap shot, but somebody had to take it. I realize each individual Democrat might not think exactly like this -- it's a caricature -- but it does represent a pattern that repeats itself on the left. By the way, David Letterman would never say anything like this.

*Just so you know, the lowercase 'L' libertarian in me wonders what gives government the authority to say anything at all about marriage. I think a legal framework to form families and partnerships is sufficient. Churches and social groups should be empowered to make moral value judgments for their adherents.

Thanks to Dave & Maddie for sending this.

Wealth Redistribution - A Cautionary Tale

From an email circulating on the interweb...

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Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Joe the Plumber to come and fix it.

Joe drives to Obama's house, which is located in a very nice neighborhood and where it's clear that all the residents make more than $250,000 per year.

Joe arrives and takes his tools into the house. Joe is led to the room that contains the leaky pipe under a sink. Joe assesses the problem and tells Obama, who is standing near the door, that it's an easy repair that will take less than 10 minutes.

Obama asks Joe how much it will cost. Joe immediately says, "$9,500."

"$9,500?" Obama asks, stunned, "But you said it's an easy repair!"

"Yes, but what I do is charge a lot more to my clients who make more than $250,000 per year so I can fix the plumbing of everybody who makes less than that for free," explains Joe. "It's always been my philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied government to pass this philosophy as law, and it did pass earlier this year, so now all plumbers have to do business this way. It's known as 'Joe's Fair Plumbing Act of 2013.' Surprised you haven't heard of it."

In spite of that, Obama tells Joe there's no way he's paying that much for a small plumbing repair, so Joe leaves. Obama spends the next hour flipping through the phone book looking for another plumber, but he finds that all other plumbing businesses listed have gone out of business. Not wanting to pay Joe's price, Obama does nothing. The leak under Obama's sink goes unrepaired for the next several days.

A week later the leak is so bad that Obama has had to put a bucket under the sink. The bucket fills up quickly and has to be emptied every hour, and there's a risk that the room will flood, so Obama calls Joe and pleads with him to return. Joe goes back to Obama's house, looks at the leaky pipe, and says, “Let's see - this will cost you about $21,000."

"A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!" Obama quickly fires back.

Joe explains the reason for the dramatic increase. "Well, because of the 'Joe's Fair Plumbing Act,' a lot of rich people are learning how to fix their own plumbing, so there are fewer of you paying for all the free plumbing I'm doing for the people who make less than $250,000. As a result, the rate I have to charge my wealthy paying customers rises every day.

"Not only that, but for some reason the demand for plumbing work from the group of people who get it for free has skyrocketed, and there's a long waiting list of those who need repairs. This has put a lot of my fellow plumbers out of business, and they're not being replaced - nobody is going into the plumbing business because they know they won't make any money. I'm hurting now too - all thanks to greedy rich people like you who won't pay their fair share."

Obama tries to straighten out the plumber: "Of course you're hurting, Joe! Don't you get it? If all the rich people learn how to fix their own plumbing and you refuse to charge the poorer people for your services, you'll be broke, and then what will you do?"

Joe immediately replies, "Run for president, apparently."

---

Thanks to Elliott.

Grammar and Cultural Chauvinism

Supposably, for all intensive purposes, irregardless of the fact that I could care less, I'd buy an expresso, excetera, pacifically for anyone who realized that it is of upmost importance that we use proper spelling and grammar. Otherwise, we'll look dull and uneducated, and no one will read our resume'.

Does anybody else think our preoccupation with spelling and grammar is a trifle arbitrary? I have always been a stickler for good spelling and grammar, but seriously, it is arbitrary, right? It has to be. English grew out of a need to communicate, long before we had any concept of English grammar. The English language is an ad-hoc hodgepodge of other languages and dialects. 

Shakespeare liked to toy with the language, and he frequently invented new words. He had the liberty of defining the part of speech and the spelling. Why did that spelling have to be locked in place for ever after? Spelling wasn't actually "standardized" until the first dictionaries began to capture the current (local) spellings, or assigned spellings based on the current (local) pronunciation. That was arbitrary. 

I think the current preoccupation with spelling and grammar actually stems from a need for educated people to be able to draw a line between themselves and other, uneducated people. I honestly do believe that. The same goes for the disdain for "Ebonics", various southern dialects, the use of "ain't", and so on. 

When we say, "nice day, eh", we're either mocking or identifying with Canadians, eh? When we say, "We be racis'", we're either mocking or identifying with the black culture. When we say, "Oh my God! Gag me with a spoon!", we're mocking the Valley Girl culture. And it works both ways: When a Negro uses "good" grammar, s/he is said to be "acting white". 

I think we humans engage in cultural chauvinism without realizing it, even at the very same time we denounce it. We want to be accepted by our culture and by our peers, and language is just as much a badge or uniform as skin color or clothing. "Good" spelling and grammar are just other ways to impose uniformity. It doesn't bother me, but I think this observation will irritate 'progressives' who pride themselves on their expensive liberal arts education and impeccable spelling and grammar. 

Obama Death Star

I saw this over at Common Sense with Paul Jacob, and I liked it so much that I stole it:

It accompanies his article, Affordable [sic] Healthcare [sick].

Happy Cinco de Quatro!

Happy fifth of fourth! Or fourth of May. May 5th? Or, um, ah... Oh, Google it!

(Damn! Stay on the TelePrompTer... Stay on the TelePrompTer... I sure hope nobody ever puts The Constitution on this thing -- even for a joke!)

A Terrorist's Life Is Such a Pressure Cooker!

• If pressure cookers are outlawed, only terrorists will have pressure cookers.
• Who needs a pressure cooker in today's kitchen, when we have microwaves?
• Nobody needs a pressure cooker that can hold more than one chicken.
• Nobody needs a pressure cooker that has any features invented since 1880.
• Nobody needs a black pressure cooker.
• Nobody needs a pressure cooker with a bayonet mount and retractable stock (that may be true).

I Am Not a Dictator II

Not a Dick-Tater

In a previous post, I reported on a kerfuffle in which President Obama said, "I am not a dictator." It turns out it was all a big misunderstanding.

It has now been learned privately that Obama said in a follow up statement, "I do not approve of people using vulgar street language and slang to describe The President of the United States. It demeans the office, and even more importantly, it demeans me." The President continued, "I don't think people should be calling me a 'dick-tater', or a 'pud-spud', or any other crude epithet when they know perfectly well that the proper English term is 'penis-potato'."

I'm glad we have that cleared up.

Reactionaries in Action

I guess in response to a growing number of skeptics about his claim that he goes skeet shooting all the time, The White House released this photo of the prez blasting away at something near the ground. That would be some low-flying skeetage right there, Mr. President.

President Barack Obama shoots clay targets on the range at Camp David, Md.,
Saturday, Aug. 4, 2012. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

According to The Weekly Standard, The White House admonished,

"This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House."

In part, that's in direct conflict with personality rights for images of well-known figures. Which of course prompted Sondrakistan (Knowledge is Power) to double down on the above warning, with the following image:

President Barack Obama intimidates clay targets on the range at Camp David, Md.,
Saturday, Aug. 4, 2012. (Obvious Photoshop by Reactionary Artist)

This of course also mocks the ridiculous Department of Homeland Security suggestion that scissors may annoy a crazed mass murder bent on mayhem, into not killing everyone in the building. Left implied in the DHS message was the obvious, if you don't have a gun handy, you might try scissors (may God have mercy on your soul).

P.S., Ever notice how, when someone gets too overbearing and oppressive, people go all reactionary?
P.P.S., Can someone explain why there's a second plume of smoke from that shotgun going off to the president's right? I don't shoot enough skeet, ducks or intruders to know firsthand.
P.P.P.S. Then there's this...

Update: Now this is funny, I don't care who you are!

You Have Been Warned

My Dad sent me this:

It's probably photoshopped, because I doubt that any government these days actually supports the Second Amendment. It represents a threat to them (as it was intended). They would never put up a sign like this.

Actually, the Second Amendment was intended as a threat to oppression and tyranny. If our government feels threatened by the Second Amendment, what does that tell you about our government?

Update: What is oppression and tyranny? That is when someone makes you do things you don't want to do, and takes things from you that you don't want to give up. How is that different from violent crime? It isn't! Someone making you hand over your wallet at gunpoint is oppressing you, tyrannizing you. If you had a gun, you could resist this tyranny. And here's the beautiful part: even if they didn't know if you had a gun, you could resist this tyranny. The Second Amendment guarantees your natural right to resist tyranny. A government that infringes on that right is by definition, tyrannical. Don't be fooled.

Pick Up Another Case of Government While You're Out!

How much government would you purchase if it was at your discretion? It's like, "Hey honey, while you're at the mall, would you pick up another case of government? 'Cause I just can't get enough! I'm up to like three packs a day."

Pick any government project or program. Then ask yourself, "If I had to pay for this with my own money", (because you do), "would I buy this?" If the answer is no, then you need to tell your representatives to vote no. If they're representing you, that would be your vote, right?

It doesn't matter if it's a new sidewalk (nice to have), or that ginormous park that's in competition for funds with a much needed county jail. You might have the money to spare, but not all taxpayers do. And every level of government is in such a financial crisis that they really should be asking the tough questions even about legitimate government functions. But they're not, are they?

Rare Photo of Karl Marx with Barack Obama

Karl Marx (left), Barack Obama (right)

Alien Invasion

Adapted from an email circulating on the Internet:

The year was 1947. Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little more than 64 years ago, numerous witnesses claim that an Unidentified Flying Object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force, as well as other federal agencies and organizations. However, what you may not know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after the historic day, the following people were born:

• Barack Obama Sr.   
• Albert A. Gore, Jr.   
• Hillary Rodham   
• William J. Clinton   
• John F. Kerry   
• Howard Dean   
• Nancy Pelosi   
• Dianne Feinstein   
• Charles E. Schumer   
• Barbara Boxer   
• Joe Biden 

Coincidence? I think not. The email goes on to suggest that the aliens bred with the sheep and jack-asses, but that would be ludicrous, don't you think? I'm pretty sure these were their own kids.

(Thanks to my aunt and/or uncle for sending me the inspiration for this post.)

Race to the Bottom

Sure, Jarlsberg is putting words in her mouth. But they couldn't be any more startlingly asinine as the ones she put there herself:

It still escapes me how that despicable woman ever reached the position of Speaker of the House.

For Sale: Used Farm Equipment

From an email circulating on the Internet (parody of Craig's List):

Fifty year old manure spreader - $1 ( Washington , D.C. )

Date: 2012-02-14, 10:21AM EST

Reply to: pdjfc-2834218719@sale.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Fifty-year old manure spreader. Not sure of brand. Said to have been produced in Kenya . Used for a few years in Indonesia before being smuggled into the US via Hawaii . Of questionable pedigree. Does not appear to have ever been worked very hard. Apparently it was pampered by various people over the years. It doesn't work very often, but when it does it can really spread the manure and sling it for amazing distances. I am hoping to retire this manure spreader next November. But I really don't want it hanging around getting in the way. I would prefer a foreign buyer that is willing to relocate this manure spreader out of the country. I would be willing to trade this manure spreader for a nicely framed copy of the United States Constitution.

Location: Washington , D.C.

PostingID: 2834218719

Thanks to my brother-in-law for sending this email to me.

If you voted for Barack Obama in 2008 to prove you're not a racist, you need to vote for anyone else in 2012 to prove you're not an idiot.

Robert Heinlein Quotes

Robert Heinlein was an American science fiction writer. Here are some good quotes by him:

• A government-supported artist is an incompetent whore!
• Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
• The ordinary bloke will not voluntarily pay for "art" that leaves him unmoved--if he does pay for it, the money has to be conned out of him, by taxes and such.
• Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.

And here is where I think American culture may have crossed a line:

• The two highest achievements of the human mind are the twin concepts of "loyalty" and "duty". Whenever these twin concepts fall into disrepute, get out of there fast! You may possibly save yourself, but it is too late to save that society. It is doomed.

Here's my favorite:

• Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.

More quotes later.