Letterman's Top Ten Reasons He Votes Democrat

I got this via email from one of my racist tea party terrorist friends. It has been making the rounds on the interweb for a while, but I modified it slightly to suit my own personal convictions, because dag nabbit, it's my blog:

#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.*

#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn’t.

#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody I agree with is offended by it.

#6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. Because when seconds count, the police can be here in minutes.

#5. I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

…And the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay $billions for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish here in America. We don't care about the beetles, gophers or fish in those other countries. 

I know, it's a cheap shot, but somebody had to take it. I realize each individual Democrat might not think exactly like this -- it's a caricature -- but it does represent a pattern that repeats itself on the left. By the way, David Letterman would never say anything like this.

*Just so you know, the lowercase 'L' libertarian in me wonders what gives government the authority to say anything at all about marriage. I think a legal framework to form families and partnerships is sufficient. Churches and social groups should be empowered to make moral value judgments for their adherents.

Thanks to Dave & Maddie for sending this.