You Have Two Cows

I haven't posted in a while, but I found this on Facebook, and I thought, "Hey there's a lotta truth in that thar satire!"

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Charity

• You have two cows.
• You share some milk with your neighbor, 'cause one of their cows just died, and you want to help them until they can get back on their feet.

Socialism

• You have two cows.
• The state takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

Communism

• You have two cows.
• The State takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism

• You have two cows.
• The State takes both and sells you some milk.

Nazism

• You have two cows.
• The State takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucrat-ism

• You have two cows.
• The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

Traditional Capitalism

• You have two cows.
• You sell one and buy a bull.
• Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
• You sell them and retire on the income.

Royal Bank of Scotland (Venture) Capitalism

• You have two cows.
• You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
• The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
• The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. 
• You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. 
• No balance sheet provided with the release. 
• The public then buys your bull.

Surrealism

• You have two giraffes.
• The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

An American Corporation

• You have two cows.
• You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
• Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A Greek Corporation

• You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
• You still only have two cows.

A French Corporation

• You have two cows.
• You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A Japanese Corporation

• You have two cows.
• You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
• You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

An Italian Corporation

• You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
• You decide to have lunch.

A Swiss Corporation

• You have 5000 cows. 
• None of them belong to you.
• You charge the owners for storing them.

A Chinese Corporation

• You have two cows.
• You have 300 people milking them.
• You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
• You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

An Indian Corporation

• You have two cows.
• You worship them.

A British Corporation

• You have two cows.
• Both are mad.

An Iraqi Corporation

• Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
• You tell them that you have none.
• No-one believes you, so they bomb the squat out of you and invade your country.
• You still have no cows, but at least you are now a democracy.

An Australian Corporation

• You have two cows.
• Business seems pretty good.
• You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A New Zealand Corporation

• You have two cows.
• The one on the left looks very attractive...

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Thanks to Mary Beth for posting this on Facebook.